Will You Go Out With Me?

One girl’s list of the hottest Hollywood boyfriends

Gold medal winner … Jordan Catalano – My So-Called Life

Boyfriend of:  Angela Chase, and had a brief dalliance with Rayanne Graff.  Related, while I understand that Angela was exhibiting rebellion by ditching Krakow and Sharon for Rayanne, couldn’t she have found someone in between the cheerleader and the mentally unstable, purple-haired school alcoholic? Maybe a girl with a nose ring who listened to Nine Inch Nails but didn’t sleep with her boyfriend or overdose in the tenth grade?

Profile:  Popular with classic bad-boy appeal, Jordan had dreamy eyes, a guitar, and a first-grade reading level.  He wooed Angela with his band “The Frozen Embryos” and such illustrious observations as “ya know, like, school just sucks.”  But who needs to be able to spell “cat” with a head of hair like that?  Any girl of the ‘90s would trade their soul for but a mere swatch of his shearling jacket.  I took every chance I could get to soak up his brooding good looks when I was with a babysitter who I convinced that it was okay, yes, my mom definitely let me watch MTV all the time.

Key scene:  After being inspired by a Shakespearean sonnet in English class, Jordan ditched his coterie of cool guys in the hall, asked Angela “can we go somewhere?” and held her hand in front of the whole sophomore and junior classes.  Swoon!

Silver goes to … Aidan Shaw – Sex & the City

Boyfriend of:  Carrie Bradshaw, until she fessed up to an affair moments before Charlotte’s wedding, and then again until she dumped him at the Columbus Circle fountain.  For the four of you out there who saw Sex & the City 2, you’ll remember that in between the cultural stereotyping and label whoring, Carrie bumped into Aidan again, until she realized she truly did prefer Mr. Big and the suit he’d been wearing since 1998. 

Profile: A masculine but warm furniture designer, he clearly hustled a lot of armchairs and end-tables to buy the apartment next to Carrie’s and keep a truck in Manhattan.  In their first go-round, he sported long hair, turquoise jewelry, and a generous gut.  He committed so-called “tender” acts, like drawing a bath for Carrie on one of their first dates, and then diving in with her.  I prefer to classify such an event as “revolting”.  For their second attempt at love, he cut his hair and his beer belly but still retained his romantic inclinations.  His patience knew no boundaries.  He let her hate on his dog Pete, hang out with Mr. Big post-affair, and say things like “I like my money right where I can see it, hanging in my closet”, all without ever punching her, not even once!  He probably feigned his agony when they broke up as he was likely relived to be finally free from her puns about shoes and purses.  I wonder if there was a deleted scene in which he pulled away from her apartment and screamed, “by the way, you look insane in that outfit!”

Key scene:  After an awkward reunion at Tortilla Flats (which is never an awkward place because they dump a hearty dose of hallucinogens in their margarita pitchers.  I would know – I’ve hula hooped, played trivia and bingo, and facilitated the sale of a college sweatshirt for $250 at this fine establishment), Carrie begged Aidan to reconcile.  He initially rebuffed her, only to later throw pebbles at her window in this dreamy sequence.  (Skip to the 6:18 mark for the good stuff.)

Taking home the bronze … Daniel Cleaver – Bridget Jones’ Diary and Bridget Jones: The Edge of Reason

Boyfriend of:  Bridget Jones, the “American stick insect” with whom he cheated on our dear Bridge, a Thai prostitute, and Mark Darcy’s wife.

Profile:  An effortlessly handsome and floppy-haired cad, Daniel scooped up Bridget while he served as her boss at a publishing company.  He first charmed Bridget with a smirk as she bumbled her introduction of Fitzherbert’s “Kafka’s Motorbike” and afterwards, kept her wine glass full all the way back to her apartment.  He dragged her and her silly-little-black-skirt around London and then Thailand with his philandering ways.  Although morally bankrupt and bereft of any redeeming qualities save for his ability to run his hands through his hair, he was … ahh, screw it, he was a jerk but he was hot!  Apologies to the Mahk Dah-cy fans, but Daniel Cleav-ah mops the floor with Mark’s reindeer jumper in this series.  (Personal note:  discuss this preference with therapist at next appointment, as mirrors actual self-destructive choices in relationships.)  

Key scene:  Daniel takes Bridget on holiday to the countryside, and the two hop in a rowboat.  They encounter dweeby little Darcy and his colleague, and my man mocks their wholesome good time.  A bloke has never looked better than Daniel in his aviators with a cigg hanging out of mouth.  This, of course, all before Bridget returns to London before Daniel and discovers Lara-from-the-New-York office in his apartment.  So, really, he didn’t actually do anything great but he did look great while doing it.  (I really need to bump up that appointment).

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JKtTpevD_hs&feature=related

Honorable mentions for …

Jake Ryan – 16 Candles

Steve They-Never-Used-His-Last-Name – Full House

Dylan McKay – 90210

Seth Cohen – The OC

Sam – Clarissa Explains it All

Josh Lucas – Clueless